There is SO much thinking in my head these days, all of it existentially crisis'd, most of it as a result of being tired all the time. As in, why am I tired all the time?
And of course the answer is - I bet this will ring a bell for you too - I'm doing too much.
But here is the kicker. The much that is making me tired is the stuff I actually enjoy and do for myself. Nobody's holding their breath for it. For example, I can count on one hand the people around me who long for handknits, and I'm one of them - yet I keep taking time to knit X for Y. Conversely I can't count high enough to get to the number of designers who put out knitting patterns. I can't even count high enough to get to the number of designers whose new patterns I eagerly await before every release.
Anybody will tell you it's important to do what you love and love what you do (and if what you happen to love is creative work, they might add that you should do it for love alone because odds are you're not going to get paid for it!)
I've always taken that advice and I still agree with it, but I'm rethinking my unfortunate tendency to set goals related to the things I love doing and cling to them... even when they're unrealistic and even though I get so tired trying to keep up. So lately I've been thinking:
Do what you love when you feel like it, because you feel like it, and without fear that anybody including you will be disappointed if you don't. If somebody loves you, it's for you, and not the hat you may or may not have lovingly knit in return. If you donate something for a fundraising silent auction, you've participated even if you don't make something to go with it so it's even extra personal.
Or alternatively, cake is still cake without icing.
Opening up my first parcel for the current Biscotte club:
Sometimes the pattern arrives in my inbox before I open the yarn, but it was the reverse this time and I spent a couple of hours out of the house thinking SOCKS!
The actual pattern? HANDWARMERS! which are so, so cute. Stranded with hearts on the palm and oh - just adorable and so Valentiney - and obviously designed with so much time and love and fun. I've designed for Biscotte myself and I know how that goes, so I really want to make them.
I also really want this yarn to be socks because it's Felix, which I adore for hardwearing socks.
I spent a good part of yesterday wrestling with myself on the question while frantically working on other things for which I have set totally arbitrary personal deadlines nobody else will care about. This morning?
Nope. Not fussing over this one any more. My personal shipment of yarn wants to be striped socks.
(With maybe a round of stranded hearts from the handwarmer pattern because they are just so CUTE.)