Thursday, February 2, 2012

Changing my stride

There is SO much thinking in my head these days, all of it existentially crisis'd, most of it as a result of being tired all the time.  As in, why am I tired all the time?

And of course the answer is - I bet this will ring a bell for you too - I'm doing too much.

But here is the kicker.  The much that is making me tired is the stuff I actually enjoy and do for myself.  Nobody's holding their breath for it.  For example, I can count on one hand the people around me who long for handknits, and I'm one of them - yet I keep taking time to knit X for Y.  Conversely I can't count high enough to get to the number of designers who put out knitting patterns.  I can't even count high enough to get to the number of designers whose new patterns I eagerly await before every release. 

Anybody will tell you it's important to do what you love and love what you do (and if what you happen to love is creative work, they might add that you should do it for love alone because odds are you're not going to get paid for it!)

I've always taken that advice and I still agree with it, but I'm rethinking my unfortunate tendency to set goals related to the things I love doing and cling to them... even when they're unrealistic and even though I get so tired trying to keep up.  So lately I've been thinking:

Do what you love when you feel like it, because you feel like it, and without fear that anybody including you will be disappointed if you don't.  If somebody loves you, it's for you, and not the hat you may or may not have lovingly knit in return.  If you donate something for a fundraising silent auction, you've participated even if you don't make something to go with it so it's even extra personal.

Or alternatively, cake is still cake without icing.

First Test

Opening up my first parcel for the current Biscotte club:

Sometimes the pattern arrives in my inbox before I open the yarn, but it was the reverse this time and I spent a couple of hours out of the house thinking SOCKS!

The actual pattern?  HANDWARMERS! which are so, so cute.  Stranded with hearts on the palm and oh - just adorable and so Valentiney - and obviously designed with so much time and love and fun.  I've designed for Biscotte myself and I know how that goes, so  I really want to make them.

I also really want this yarn to be socks because it's Felix, which I adore for hardwearing socks.

I spent a good part of yesterday wrestling with myself on the question while frantically working on other things for which I have set totally arbitrary personal deadlines nobody else will care about.  This morning?

Nope.  Not fussing over this one any more.  My personal shipment of yarn wants to be striped socks.

(With maybe a round of stranded hearts from the handwarmer pattern because they are just so CUTE.)


UmmRania said...

This really fit me today. I started knitting around a year ago and really love it (like I read about 20 different knitting blogs, and check ravelry more than once a day love). I recently decided to knit something for everyone in my family (which live an ocean away from me, and I havent seen personally in around 9 years) to show them I love them. I asked all of them what they want and one whole side of the family asked for scarves. Now, most new knitters would be all, "yaay, I can do scarves" I am like "uggg, boring non changing tubes of death" ......they NEVER end, yes, I can knit while reading granted, but it is sooooo BORING, I realized that I do have to do it, and I am glad to give something I made to the people I love, but I need to have something going on for me to at the same time to sto the monotomy of knitting 4 scarves, that I am not even sure if they will truly be loved.

Mary Keenan said...

Ironically UmmRania, I've just been feeling the sting of seeing my recent SuperSecret ScarfyThings being stretched out of all proportion or left for one end to drag on the ground... about 24 hours of work in each one (I coulda knit socks!) and the fiber content luxury factor you would not believe. Yet they are loved. I think we have to accept that knitter's love is a slightly different beast than recipients'! Meanwhile, good knitting to you with all those scarves ;^)